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[quote=Anonymous]I think they just have to get used to it. Keep reinforcing nicely that you do not automatically spend every holiday/vacation with them, and that the other side of the family and your own nuclear unit are taken into consideration. It can be done pleasantly, but it takes time to sink in.

My MIL is a tough case--she has spent years trying to dictate what we do, and she is local, so it's worse. She made up this fantasy (and told everyone) that I'm estranged from my family. So until we started really putting our foot down, the in-laws always assumed we'd be at every event and holiday. The rare times we go visit my family, MIL punishes us with weeks of pity party comments about how she's so neglected and alone, mixed with "punishing" us with snubs and refusing to speak to us. I kind of enjoy the relief of those silent treatments, and giggle at her childish snubs. Narcissists find me frustrating.

But yes, your more normal family just needs you to keep reminding them nicely that there's another loving family who you owe equal time to.[/quote]

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