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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why don't you back off on communicating with them and let DH handle it? Then you don't hear the complaining. Let DH decide what to tell them.[/quote]

You're right I should let DH handle them. The only reason why I do it is because he secretly can't stand them.  My DH hides behind work so I call them on their birthday or wedding anniversary with the kids.  The only time I talk to them for a more extended time is when they want to start "planning our next trip" (is- telling us exactly what we should be doing) or we are visiting. I'm just venting a bit because they're already talking about our next trip to the west coast as if it is a done deal via email.  I can't bear the thought that we are stuck seeing them sometime this summer and, if they have their way, spring or winter break too.

I wish we could just tell them "neither one of us likes you at all and the kids prefer to do other things on our vacation."  Terrible I know. [/quote]

[b]No, it's not terrible but you seem to think that it's terrible which is why you're trying so hard to do all those things 'family' is supposed to do.  You need to let go of what you (or some DCUM harpies) think you're required to do and do what works for your family.  Also, you should make your DH step up to the plate on managing his parents.  Doesn't matter if he likes them or not.  It's not your responsibility[/b].  [/quote]

Totally agree with this PP.

OP, you mention that they're already talking about your next trip "as if it's a done deal." It's past time for DH to send an e-mail saying clearly, "I noticed that you mentioned our coming out there--to clarify, we are making other plans for our vacation days this year, and won't be coming out to visit." If they  squawk, too bad; keep up the firm "not happening" but don't engage by letting them try to convince him or you.

I know they don't really spend time with you when you visit, but would they do things like possibly plan and pay for activities etc. and then announce, "But we just got the kids tickets to Kid Thing XYZ for those dates so you have to come" and crud like that? I hope not. If they are that type, it's all the more important that your DH (not you, him!) put into writing, politely but firmly, that you are not coming. They'll probably pester you for dates for a trip to see them. "Sorry, we only get so much vacation time and this year we're going to plan a trip somewhere [i]just for the four of us[/i]." If they ask where and can they meet you there -- say you don't know where yet. When they pester you more: "This time it's  just the four of us." Repeat and repeat and divert their attention by changing the topic every time. They may never fully "get it" and stop pestering or stop expecting that you drop your life to go see them, but you will build up your resistance to them by repeating your mantra of "not coming" without change.

You need to spend time building memories with your own family -- meaning you, husband and kids -- just you, together, doing something you all enjoy. You deserve that. Don't let MIL and FIL's expectations continue to suck up your precious time off.[/quote]

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