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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
If *you* are a kind and loving person, no one will hate you, OP. So show up, smile, be caring towards SIL, say positive things about everyone in a sincere way. Ignore your husband and his brother if they exchange barbed comments - it's not your fight.

My IL situation is nowhere as bad, but my husband can certainly pressure his family into doing things they don't want to do, and sometimes I don't agree with his opinions or his methods. I speak up in front of all of them, and tell him he's wrong, but I don't let myself be dragged into arguments, I let him discuss it with his brothers. They are all capable of fending for themselves. That way his family sees that I am my own person. I love them all, and I believe they love me back.
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And let me add that I am a very anxious person in general, but maybe less so around my ILs. They are rational and intelligent folk, even if the things they discuss are sometimes fraught with hurt feelings and unfair inheritances.
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