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[quote=Anonymous]My sister has a host of psychiatric diseases: alcohol addiction, bulimia that waxes and wanes in severity, panic disorder, emotional lability that's either bipolar or borderline PD.  My father has narcissistic PD and my mother's struggled with depression for years.  I've had episodes of depression but they responded well to meds and/or psychotherapy; have been med-free for quite a while, and thanks to years of intensive therapy with an excellent therapist, live my life very differently than I used to.

1. What's your role in your family? Does that change during times of crisis?

I'm the emotional caretaker, and have been since childhood.  That role is magnified during times of crisis.  My mom was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago, and despite having two small kids I did the lion's share of the family help.  My parents are divorced but amiably, and my dad's helped out in the real crunch situations.  My sister's done nothing, but she also has two children and no real spousal support, so it's hard for her, psychiatric problems aside.

2. What's your relationship like with your family member? With your parents and siblings?

I limit my time with my sister and really only see her at some holidays or birthdays.  We live maybe 30 minutes apart, but live very different lives.  I could probably see her more often but don't want to.  She drains me emotionally and I need those reserves for my own family.  She also kept a massive secret from the rest of our family for several years, one which could have placed my children in harm's way, and I haven't moved past that yet.  My mom's the most helpful and is great with our kids: she sees them when she can.  Used to babysit one day/week, but the cancer has made that hard.  They love my dad, too, and he loves them, and sees them once or twice a month.

3. How have you protected your marriage and children from the chaos?

I'm damn good at setting and maintaining boundaries with my family.  I rely on my therapist (whom I now only see sporadically, but her door is always open) and close friends for support so as not to burden my spouse.  My kids, I limit contact, so that's helped.  I also take good care of myself: exercise daily, seek support as needed, so I don't bring home the crap of my sister and parents.

4. Do you worry about one of your children inheriting the disorder?

No.  I know enough professionally about how most of these disorders are manifested to know that most aren't highly heritable, i.e., unless a parent has one of them, there's a good chance the kids won't have them.  Bipolar is the most highly heritable, followed by schizophrenia (I think), and environment matters a lot.  I work hard to be a strong role model for my kids and not model the depressive behaviors I saw modeled for me, nor do I make them take care of me emotionally.  My husband and I prioritize their emotional well-being, including helping them learn to regulate and express their emotions in healthy ways.  We do the same for each other.  I mean, sure, genetics can be a bitch, but I'm doing everything I can to make sure my kids have a strong foundation, and that's all Ic an do.[/quote]

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