Reply to s/o difficult childhood thread: if you ended your relationship with your parents, how did it end?

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[quote=Anonymous]I realized that thinking about my abusive family was taking up a lot of my time, emotional energy and money. Talking about my abusive parents in therapy was expensive. they trained me so well to overlook them that even the therapist took awhile to understand how I was STILL covering for them. Finally the therapist said the best thing "...never talk about your family to others -- it just makes you look bad. They are bad, but describing what they do is just unbelievable (although true)"

I began to turn away after that day. I did not have a fight with them -- to much energy -- I just faded away. When they did not have me to beat up on and abuse, their interest also faded. The truth of them came out gradually to me. I have a big family so other family members have a different relationship. They think that the parents were OK. I want to say ... but if they are so OK, why are you in an abusive relationship yourself and an alcoholic?

Once in awhile I mourn that I do not have a loving parents. but that is a fact. I do not miss them in reality -- who they are really. I miss the false version of them that I made up as a child. I have sheltered my children from them. They are not trustworthy around my children. It hurts to not have grandparents -- but not as much as the very mean things they do/ did. It is really sad how it goes down through the generations. I try very hard not to be the parents that mine were. It is a daily struggle not to fall into those abuse traps and be mean to my own as they were mean to me. Habits.[/quote]

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