Reply to Did you figure out you were a lesbian later in life?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What happened? How did you realize it? How did it affect your current life?

I'm currently a women married to a man, with children
Thinking I might be gay after a recent relationship. Not sure how to proceed, not sure how to deal with this, I'm questioning my whole life 
[/quote]

I don't get it OP - what do you mean by relationship?  And were you ever attracted to your husband?

Lesbian implies ONLY women, in which case the 'questioning everything' could make sense, though it's hard to imagine you had repressed these feelings so far that this would come as a complete shock.  if you were attracted to your husband/other men, then any same sex attraction - even a very powerful one - is really no different than any other extramarital attraction, and you treat it as such. [/quote]

This reads a bit harsh. And I disagree that it's hard to imagine figuring get it out now, and I disagree that hooking up with a girl or woman is exactly like having an affair with a man. It's much less bad in my opinion.

Op, I've heard there's a spectrum of sexuality, and that most people, even people in same sex relationships, are not at the far end of the spectrum. In other words, just because you like women doesn't mean you can't like men too. Maybe you just lost attraction to DH, which I can relate to. Just my two cents.[/quote]

I'm the PP. How is this so harsh? I was asking an honest question, and I think it's important to be honest with yourself.  Plus current events color our own recollections.  I identify as straight but could imagine a scenario where I fall for a woman and feel a passion for her that I don't currently feel for my spouse, and thinking that meant I was a lesbian.  However in doing so I would conveniently be forgetting the chemistry I had with my husband when we first met, so thi s wouldn't make me gay, but perhaps further along the spectrum than I had realized.

As for whether an affair with a man or woman is materially different, I think we are culturally primed to assess it as you have, but I also don't think it really matters what we or society thinks - what matters is what OP and the person she is married to think.  We can talk about 'men' and 'women', but ultimately any marriage is between 2 individuals, and is gender is really only one small facet of the myriad characteristics that define a person.

Thus as presented OP really has 2 entirely separate issues.  1 is that she is experiencing a same sex attraction and this is causing her to question who she is. The 2nd is that she is attracted to someone outside her marriage, and for part 2 the gender really doesn't matter unless it materially impacts her husbands opinion about what behavior is or is not acceptable in their particular marriage,[/quote]

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