Reply to DD's Soon to be step-grandfather has a creepy vibe IMO. Trying not to prejudice child, but WWYD?

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Reply to "DD's Soon to be step-grandfather has a creepy vibe IMO. Trying not to prejudice child, but WWYD?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Ex-husband is engaged to a woman in her 40s who did not have children and despite their attempts at fertility treatment seems unlikely to have a baby of their own. They are not good candidates for adoption. The soon to be stepmom's parents are divorced and seem to be in a battle to outdo each other as step-grandparent of the year. They lavish gifts and attention on DD. DD relays some things about step-grandfather's behavior that give me the creeps, but nothing is clearly objectionable. It's more the sense that the amount of attention and money spent is inappropriate for a non-related male to give a pre-teen girl. DD returned from a weekend stay with an IPhone that "Pap" bought her for Christmas. Ex-husband and I had when DD first asked for a phone agreed that even basic cell phones were for middle schoolers not ES students and smartphones were for college students. I pick my battles so I decided that I wouldn't object wholesale to the phone, but DD could not use it at my house/when she's in my custody. I took the phone to put up until DD's next visitation. It buzzed while in my hand and there was this text message "How's my baby girl? Love, Pap."

I never before understood why people said their blood ran cold, but that is how I felt. I went through the phone and didn't see anything worse, just a picture of "Pap" and DD from a recent visit to NYC and that one text. I switched off the phone altogether and it is sitting in my purse.DD is super-compliant and has not questioned my taking the phone. We have spoken generally about stranger danger and inappropriate touching by anyone of any age. I don't want to prejudice DD against her future step-grandfather, but calling her "baby girl" just feels like grooming to me. To be honest, I don't even like that he has her calling him "Pap" when they are not related yet.

WWYD? Ex-husband and I do not have a good co-parenting relationship. We are currently in a pretty serious disagreement about 3 other matters that I think are safety/security related and I know that he will say that I am being paranoid and overprotective.[/quote]

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