Reply to Would this bother you re: infertility and IL behavior

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband's sister and her husband had a 5 year infertility struggle.  In that 5 years they did tons of IVF, etc. and nothing worked, all their IVFs failed.  The woman had multiple laprascopic surgeries yet nothing worked.  It was very sad.  They were in the 37-42 age range at the time.

They live in another state and we usually see them once a year.

Here is what bothers me.  During that time they were dealing with infertility, we had a child.  Child is now 4.  In all the time they were struggling with infertility they never once asked about our child on the phone/email.  For example if DH's sister called him she would have a normal conversation, ask about our pets even, but never once asked about our daughter in four years.  They would have a normal, 30 minute or hour long conversation conversation and she would never once ask about her.  Same with BIL. Similarly, they ignored our daughter's birthdays and at holiday time.  When we would visit (once a year) they ignored our daughter, often making other plans during the visit (such as visiting friends during our three day once a year stay).  I assume so they did that so they would spend as little time with us and wouldn't have to interact with her.  I understand that infertility is a very painful journey (we are going through it right now for baby #2 but haven't shared our infertility journey with them) but I would never dream of acting like this.  It really hurt my feelings that they never once showed interest in our daughter--simply by asking, how is your daughter doing?  That would have been perfectly fine.  But they never once did.

Anyhow, our daughter is now 4.  This ignoring her has gone on for 4 years.

A month ago they announced they are pregnant, a natural pregnancy after over 5 long years of failed infertility treatments.  The way they announced the pregnancy was through a phone call starting out with asking about our daughter--lots of questions/showing lots of interest which they never once did before.  It really annoyed both DH and I.

Ever since the pregnancy announcement, same thing--each phone call starts with asking about our daughter.

DH and I are annoyed.  I'm not sure how to feel about this sudden interest after years of being completely ignored.

I'm of course thrilled for their pregnancy but I also don't feel particularly warmly toward them because of how they have treated us in the last 4 years.

How would you feel?[/quote]

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