Reply to Sad for my tween girl/ friendship woes

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sorry your daughter's having a tough time, but please -- get her into some activities so she can meet other kids who share her interests. Don't depend on neighborhood "let's just hang out" kids because, as you've found, they may not exist in your area; and while you should keep trying on play dates, your daughter may have more fun, and eventually make some good friends with whom she'll have plenty of reciprocated play dates, if she's involved in activities outside school. This area is absolutely full of a million activities for kids her age -- look at your local parks and recreation department catalogs for classes (art, dance, sport, Lego leagues, library book groups--heck, computer programming is available for kids as young as she is if that's her thing). Look at what's on offer in your town or county. Look into scouting or other types of youth groups (church or synagogue or other house of worship if your family does that). Let her help choose. Kids form better and deeper friendships based on shared interests and shared experiences than those based just on who lives down the street or who is in their class.

Meanwhile, it's not unusual for folks in this very busy area not to reciprocate play dates one for one at this age. If you talk with the other kids' parents you're likely to find out that these kids have an extracurricular activity and family activities and that's why they're not quick to reciprocate -- especially if parents work weekdays, they often want and need to spend weekends hauling kids to activities and doing family things. So keep trying, and don't worry about reciprocation too much; if you can host, do it, for your daughter's sake. Most other families do know they should reciprocate more, and wish they could, but a lot depends on circumstances. As a work from home parent with one child, it was easier for me to host play dates than it was for friends who worked outside the home and/or had several kids all going in different directions each day -- it's just how things were. Keep up the play dates, arrange some things where whole families attend so you can get to know the parents better too, and at the same time do find some extracurricular activities that your daughter really wants to do. Doesn't have to be a packed schedule. Just one thing she really enjoys, and where she'll meet other kids.[/quote]

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