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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP--

Five years ago we were in your shoes.  2 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, 1 IVF resulting in pregnancy and then miscarriage.
We adopted older children via international adoption---largely because of the same reasons you cited---we were emotionally done with failure and did not want to risk the heartbreak of a birth mother changing her mind.  Ours has been a difficult, but rewarding experience.  While it is possible to adopt an infant through international adoption, it is increasingly rare.  Therefore you have all the attachment challenges of bonding with an older child.  The flip side is that with older children you can have a better idea of whether the child is going to have challenges due to prenatal exposures, particularly to alcohol.  If you are caucasian, international adoption often means transracial adoption, and you need to consider what that will be like.  On the whole, I think that the trade off is that international adoption gives you more certainty in becoming a parent but greater challenges with respect to attachment, trauma and prenatal exposures, while domestic adoption gives you more information regarding the health and background of the child, plus the benefit of infant bonding, but greater risks of birthparent vacillation.

There is a lot of available education and training available to you in order for you all to decide whether international adoption is right for you.  There is a very useful website called www.adoptionlearningpartners.org which we used for the adoption training courses which are required by most agencies.  Best of luck to you on your journey, and my sympathies on your heartbreak.  Infertility is very, very hard.  [/quote]

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