Reply to Mother interfering with Christmas Day visit of another relative. Help!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My elderly mother plans to ask Relative A (Larla) to drive her to see Relative B (Larlita) on Christmas Day. Relative A is here in the area Christmas Day only. Larlita lives in a nursing home about 2 hours away. My mother sees Larlita once or twice a week. Larlita is unpleasant and was violent to me and a sibling when were children. No one wants to go visit Larlita on any day but my mother. Sometimes we suck it up as a corporal work of mercy, but I have been physically ill and a 5 hour chunk of Christmas Day to see a verbally unpleasant and formally physically abusive relative is not going to put me in the emotional shape my DC need right now. Larlita will not be alone for Christmas. This is a high end nursing facility. They bring in entertainment. There is a fine, catered meal. Larlita has made friends (to whom I suspect much more respect is given than any family member.)

In addition, I think it is very unfair to ask incredibly kind Relative A Larla for a 5 hour chunk of Christmas Day. Larla has a degree program, a demanding work position, and deserves a relaxing day off. Plus, this is the family's only chance to see Larla for about 6 months. Larla "owes" my mother a lot and won't say no. I told my mother she was being inconsiderate to Larla and others. I suggested she go see Larlita on Christmas Day. She says Larlita "deserves" Christmas Day and insists Larla is the correct person to ask because Larlita babysat Larla's mother as a small child!

I am done with my mother. Right now I want to disinvite her from Christmas. I won't because I know that is unChristian and my kids would be devastated. However, I feel like I will be angry seeing her sit in her coat on my sofa impatiently waiting for Larla to finish eating and drive her to the nursing home. I feel guilty for offering to host Larla instead of sending two states further away to immediate family, but I didn't know until last night that my mother had this plan. It's too late to divert Larla.

What can I do?

[/quote]

I think I fixed it. Sorry for the angry and incoherent typing.[/quote]

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