Reply to Mother interfering with Christmas Day visit of another relative. Help!

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[quote=Anonymous]My elderly mother plans to ask Relative A to drive her to see Relative B on Christmas Day. Relative A is here in the area Christmas Day only. Relative B lives in a nursing home about 2 hours away. My mother sees Relative B once or twice a week. Relative B is unpleasant and was violent to me and a sibling when were children. No one wants to go visit Relative A on any day but my mother. Sometimes we suck it up as a corporal work of mercy, but I have been physically ill and a 5 hour chunk of Christmas Day to see a verbally unpleasant and formally physically abusive relative is not going to put me in the emotional shape my DC need right now. Relative A will not be alone for Christmas. This is a high end nursing facility. They bring in entertainment. There is a fine, catered meal. Relative A has made friends (to whom I suspect much more respect is given than any family member.)

In addition, I think it is very unfair to ask incredibly kind Relative A for a 5 hour chunk of Christmas Day. Relative A has a degree program, a demanding work position, and deserves a relaxing day off. Plus, this is the family's only chance to see Relative A for about 6 months. Relative A "owes" my mother a lot and won't say no. I told my mother she was being inconsiderate to Relative A and others. I suggested she go see Relative B on Christmas Day. She says Relative B "deserves" Christmas Day and insists Relative A is the correct person to ask because Relative B babysat Relative A's mother as a small child!

I am done with my mother. Right now I want to disinvite her from Christmas. I won't because I know that is unChristian and my kids would be devastated. However, I feel like I will be angry seeing her sit in her coat on my sofa impatiently waiting for Relative A to finish eating and drive her to the nursing home. I feel guilty for offering to host Relative B instead of sending two states further away to immediate family, but I didn't know until last night that my mother had this plan. It's too late to divert Relative B.

What can I do?

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