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[quote=Anonymous]Holy shit OP, are you and I the same person? I'm a Hindu-American woman (second-gen) and these are a lot of the things I'm struggling with.

I don't really have an answer, because I'm in the darkest pits of my struggle, but I find that meditation after puja helps a lot. I have bhakti, I'm a Durga bhakta, so I play her bhajans during my morning puja to her and I feel overwhelmed with devotional love. I chant her mantras and ask for her protection, guidance, and illumination. I remember that I was with Durga in other lifetimes, and that one day she will release me from the wheel of samsara.

After the puja, with the incense still going and the deepa still flickering, I go into meditation. These days I do meditation a little bit differently because I realize how much I have to detach from my ego-self, and this new meditation helps me a lot. Here's how it goes, I'll try my best to describe it.

First I go slowly into the meditation with pranayama. When I am completely still, I go through a complex visualization, or series of visualizations and thought-observations really, of detaching from [Name], the person I live as. For example say my name was Radha, then I go through these visualizations of detaching from Radha. I am not Radha, I am not Radha, I am not Radha. I can't really describe these visualizations because they come to me in flashes, and it's really a combination of visualizing, feeling, observing thoughts, and knowing. Eventually I am viewing Radha with detachment, although I am only able to keep myself in this state briefly. But in this state I feel disconnected from the human Radha, but connected to Divine Mother, Durga. I have this visceral realization that I am wearing a mask and that mask is Radha.

When I come out of the meditation, my feelings of agitation, worry, frustration and anger become muted. "Muted" does not mean they go away altogether, but I feel less affected by them, less connected to them. I feel more confident about how my worth and my value are independent from my actions and the responses of other people to those actions.

You may not pray to the Divine any of the deities, but I do, so this is how I approach it.

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