Reply to to the hindus/buddhists here...

Forum Index » Religion

Reply to "to the hindus/buddhists here..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your value is not what you contribute to any one person or even a few persons, but the value you bring to the world as a whole. So don't focus on whether one or a few people are ungrateful/unappreciative, see that you are doing good that go beyond them. [/quote]

OP here. I get that. The issue is that I am taking care of elderly parents-in-law who are disabled and clearly need our help (they have no one else), but who continue to verbally abuse me (this has gone on for years, I am just really trying to detach myself now). So the "good" I am doing, I am not unsure about. I don't think what I'm doing here has much to do with the world, per se. But I'm really trying to control my response. Any suggestions? Thanks for the suggestion on meditating, first pp, I think that is part of the key. [/quote]

Well, surely by you taking care of them, they are not bothering someone else. They are your burden now, not someone else's. There are also boundaries, hard lines that you don't allow to be broken. For example, I have issues with my in laws thinking they know better when it comes to health care for my kids. They would give medicine to them and claim that I am trying to kill my kids if I don't follow their way. I tell them very straight forwardly that if they want to see the grand children, they will not give food, drinks, or medicine that isn't first approved by me. Otherwise, the grand children will not be around. Your spouse has to back you up 100%, however. You cannot do this alone.

Verbal abuse is tough, no matter the cause. In laws in Asian cultures can be especially difficult to satisfy and deal with. My parents were very mean to my wife when we first got married, but we essentially cut all ties for 3 years until my parents finally came around. I don't particularly care if they saw the problem with their behavior, or they just finally decided to change just to appease us. In our case, I saw that nothing could have changed my parent's behavior except to strong-arm them into submission.

I know this doesn't help in your case, but the key things I would focus on: 1) believe that you are doing good and that what you are doing benefits others aside from your in-laws. The world is a better place because your in-laws are not out on the street or in a homeless shelter. 2) your spouse needs to provide you with 100% emotional support, you cannot handle this alone. 3) don't always be a push over, take positions of strength if needed. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics