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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Well, I guess it's good that you are self-aware. I think the question now is what do you want? Do you want to be able to step back from your relationship with your sister so that you no longer have to expose yourself to something that brings out such an unpleasant side of yourself? Or do you want to try and fix that side of yourself? Do you want to reconcile with your sister? Or is that not even a goal? [/quote]

OP here.

The strangest thing is that people who know me now as a young adult generally think I'm a pleasant sweet kind person. I have developed okay social skills and am trying to improve myself so I can walk out of the black hole that was my teenage years. I am no where near as put together or successful as my sister and being with her actually brings out the worst in me. I think even though I am older than her, she has always looked at me as a cautionary tale and makes great efforts to avoid my mistakes. This of course makes me feel bad and I behave badly with her.

[b]She does not bring out the best in me. [/quote][/b]

And you shouldn't expect her to. Now is the time to fully realize and fully own that YOU are in charge of bringing out the best in you, OP. Stop envying her and start getting some healthy role models, and work toward achieving your own dreams for what you want for yourself?

Who is your style/beauty icon? Pick a few women/celebs whose style and look you want to emulate, and go from there. Pick celebs who already look like you in some way; don't try to be a Naomi Watts if you are more like a Nigella Lawson.

Who is your career icon? What are your career goals? Write down a 3-, 5-, 10-year plan for your career, with action items.

You sound like you have a great marriage--that is awesome! What could make it even stronger/better? Invest your time and energy into doing special things for your husband.

What hobbies/activities do you want to try? Cooking? Crafts? Photography? Pick one and start pursuing it, step by step.

Fill up your own life. Bring out the best in yourself. It is up to no one else but you.[/quote]

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