Reply to So, it occurred to me that I am not the marrying kind... I'm so f**ked

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Reply to "So, it occurred to me that I am not the marrying kind... I'm so f**ked"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This after 7 years of marriage and one child.  My DH is wonderful but I don't feel attracted him to save my life. Not that I really felt it in the beginning.  We met, embarked on a fun, [b]zero conflict relationship[/b] and it was great. My rational mind told me this is how it's supposed to be but I will be honest that I was already kinda bored at the 2 year mark.

He proposed out of the blue, it was unexpected and I said yes. I figured that at some point we would break off the engagement and won't actually get married. Well, as life would have it, I got pregnant and figured that I had no choice but to get married. Did I mention that DH is a great guy?

And I have rallied for all these years, we have fun together and life is good but most of the time,  I look at DH as a really really good friend of mine and nothing more.

Is this it? Put up and shut up? I made my bed right?[/quote]

Zero conflict relationships absolutely zap relationship excitement and passion. When you are both just doing what you think a good spouse is supposed to do and hiding your real selves not to rock the boat, you both start to feel dead inside and bored as hell.

It is completely possible to get more energized by your relationship and you should definitely give that a try.

There are two methods popularized by the famous love researcher Art Aron.

The first one is doing exciting things together that get your heart racing (think shooting range or zip lining kind of thing). People actually confuse the stimulation with feelings of infatuation. It is proven to work bring a spark to relationships.

The second one is to have very intimate discussions. He was able to actually INDUCE romantic love in the lab by having people ask each other very intimate questions. You might think you know your DH's inner world, but you don't. And he doesn't now yours either. For example, does he know this is how you're feeling?  Google for Art Aron and love questions, you'll find the list to see what I mean.

I am not suggesting that you can turn your relationship into a soulmate wonderland, but you can definitely bring it to life and start enjoying it and each other. There is hope for you. [/quote]

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