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Reply to "Am I overprotective?"

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP, you have your radar on and that's good. You know what's going on the neighborhood and I'd bet your soon to be ex doesn't (or knows and doesn't care, because he figures, he knew guys like Bob and John when he was a teenager and HE turned out just fine and dandy, right?). It's in your ex's interest to call you an ass (lovely guy) and make this an issue between you. I would worry that he would try to look like the cool dad by telling son that seeing John is just fine. Any chance that the ex might actually encourage this friendship just to get your goat and to be son's friend rather than his dad? Will you have primary custody of son? Does dad live in this same neighborhood, so if son is with dad, it's easy for son to spend time with John? You won't be able to control what son does while with dad, and if I were in your shoes I too would be concerned about that aspect of things--the idea that dad might undo whatever you do here.

I think the answer is a combination of a couple of replies above, minus the DCUM snarkiness. Don't make the friend "forbidden fruit" by calling him a delinquent or otherwise badmouthing him to your son. Do ensure your son has enough extracurricular activities that, between those and school, he does not have hanging-out time to see John or Bob. I think it's also legit, if you can do it without telegraphing just how worried you are, to ask your son calmly why he's begun seeing John when they weren't friendly before -- tell him you just genuinely want to know what he likes about John. And let son see you're really listening. It won't change how you feel, but it will show son that you are paying attention to him, while not stomping on his friendship. Then proceed to ensure he's busy. But will dad allow, or encourage, son to do his activities, schoolwork, job, whatever, when son's with dad? Or will that become "Oh, your mom makes you do all that but with me you can just hang out"--?

Regarding this family -- If everyone in the neighborhood knows Bob is behind break-ins etc., hasn't anyone talked with the local cops about this? Asked for more patrols, asked if a police community liaison officer can do anything like visit this family? Those things do happen, but maybe where you live the police just don't have time or resources to listen to those kinds of things. I know there are not substantiated complaints but if there have been repeated crimes that really should get the cops' attention. It's not a fantasy -- I know of cases where the local community policing officer did want to know about situations like this and would get extra patrols or do "We're just visiting the neighborhood to check everything's OK" trips to houses known to have troubled residents.....[/quote]

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