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[quote=Anonymous]My oldest son is 16, and I'm having an argument with his Dad (separated pending a divorce) over a friend of DS'.

My son is normally a smart, mature kid. decent grades, a set of good friends I've never disapproved of (before), and normally very well behaved, but obviously my marriage and our issues have affected him. We've tried to maintain a good relationship and made this transition as smooth as possible - me and my husband, while we have our issues, are separating of relatively good terms and fully intend for both of us to be in our kids' lives despite our differences.

Anyway, the problem is that recently DS has been hanging out with a kid ("John") who doesn't come from a very good family. They live a few blocks away, and are notorious for the problems their kids (especially their older son) cause around the neighborhood. A few weeks ago, a petition to ask them to move out of the neighborhood was even being circulated around our listserv. Many of the problems stem from "john's" older brother "Bob," who is a straight-up junkie who has never worked a single job in his life, spent the last ~ 20 years in and out of prison. "Bob" will go around breaking into cars, into houses, pretty much anywhere he can. When someone in the neighborhood wakes up to find their car broken int, or their back door busted open, we all know who did it, even if it will never be proven.

While "John" tends to be less destructive, his main crimes being smoking weed and being a lazy bum, I am justifiably worried about my son's new friendship with "John." Even if "John" isnt really a threat (in my eyes) right now, I have serious doubts about their parents' ability to raise kids (These are the same parents that will jump at any opportunity to defend "Bob") that don't turn out to be useless junkies.

I want to sit down with DS and pretty much tell him that being friends with "John" isn't an option, and try to help him express his feelings without forcing a friendship with a delinquent just to hurt us. My husband however thinks I'm being an ass and judgmental and should let DS choose his own friends with no strings attached.

This is really making this already difficult process harder, and raising serious doubts about whether I trust my soon-to-be-ex around my DS. I've already caught DS hanging out with "Bob" once (with "John" there), and found out that the last time "Bob" was on the run (After ditching a halfway house that was a condition of his parole), DS knew exactly where "Bob" was staying and didn't alert the police. That was `3 months ago and now "Bob" is back on the streets and I'm scared DS will continue down this path and eventually be introduced to weed/heroin/meth/whatever through "John." I don't think asking a 16 YO son of mine to not hang out with hoodlums is overprotective, we are his parents and untile he leaves our house it is our job to make the hard calls that he is not mature enough/experienced enough to make.  [/quote]

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