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[quote=Anonymous]You wrote my story except that we were once a month or less.  Here's what worked for me.  It started with several conversations over the course of many years, probably similar to the ones you've had, minus the crying.  Then, I waited for a moment when I knew we'd be alone for several minutes (not in the bedroom).

Here's what I said, I'm going to talk, and I'm not expecting you to respond.  You can if you want, but I'm not expecting it.  I've told you over the years at different times that I wanted more sex, but nothing has worked.  A healthy marriage needs a healthy sex life.  And we need a healthy marriage.  Sex 10 times or fewer a year is defined as a sexless marriage.  The average couple has sex 50-85 times a year.  So, here's what we're going to do.  We're going to have sex once a week.  We'll pick a night -- I'll start with Saturday, but if you want a different night, that's fine -- to be the end.  If Saturday rolls around and we haven't had sex that week, we have sex Saturday.  And I want you to have fun with it.  I'm game for whatever you want -- costumes, toys, role play -- I'll try anything besides a third person.  I plan to put a lot of effort into making this enjoyable.  And we will have sex once a week.

I didn't make it an ultimatum.  There was no "or else."  I just said what was going to happen.  We didn't have sex that week until Saturday night.  That was nerve-wracking.  For context, we're both professionals with graduate degrees and we have three kids.  Lives are very busy and we have a very balanced marriage.  My wife is an extremely strong-willed individual.  I don't tell her what to do.  So this talk was very much out of the ordinary.  About two months later we were on target and she thanked me for doing it.  She said she was having a ball and needed that jump start.  There have been periods when we've slowed down and weeks have gone by without sex, but all for legitimate health reasons.  My only regret is that I didn't take that approach many years earlier.

Hope this helps.  I feel for you, dude.  It's one of the hardest things to do.[/quote]

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