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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Communication is supposedly key, but I can't figure out how to go about letting my wife know that I think sex needs to be more of a priority without turning it into a chore.

Since I'm the one who wants sex more, I know that I'm the one who has to put most of the effort into our sex life. I've tried to do what I can: improve my appearance, more chores, dates, give her more "me" time, massages, nonsexual touch, avoid pressuring her for sex, make sure she has an orgasm, etc. None of it seems to move the meter in terms of our sexual frequency. She seems to just forget about it and lets life get in the way. So, much as I would like her to just spontaneously want to have sex with me, I think the missing element is her making sex a priority.

It's probably been two years or more since the last time I discussed my concerns over the lack of frequency in our sex life. It didn't go terribly well. She cried. I felt horrible for making her cry. She said she felt like a bad wife and like I was going to divorce her. [b]I said there was no way I was going to divorce her. Then sex got more awkward. 
[/b]
For what it's worth, we have sex about once every 3 weeks. I'd be happy with once a week. Our youngest kid is 10 years old.

Anyway, I don't know if it's possible to discuss the matter without making her sad and making her feel pressured and awkward about the sex we do have. [/quote]

You need to head over to "Married Man Sex Life"

You need to have more of a backbone, and it's not good for attraction for a woman to have zero fear that she can lose you. She should trust that you are a good, faithful guy but also know that you have expectations for your life and your marriage that you will not compromise on. It's ok for once-a-week sex to be one of them.

Your wife is never going to want to spontaneously want to have sex with you. You need to get that out of your head if that hasn't been something that's been true in your marriage to date.

You have to get comfortable insisting on sex and pushing your initiation through to a "hard no".  That's controversial I know. If it helps, I'm a woman.

I can be completely tepid towards my husband sexually during certain periods and if he insists on sex and just goes for me (not rape because I didn't say NOOOO and if I did he would stop).

The reason this is effective is because women HATE when the burden of sex is on them. When they have to perform. So, if you want sex, you can't weakly initiate and expect her to start getting into it. You have to just go for it. Start kissing her, and insist on sex. Don't make her feel like she has to perform. Then screw the crap out of her. If she's anything like me she'll start really liking that.

I'll probably get crucified for this post but I think it is good advice. [/quote]

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