Reply to Spinoff: if you financially support your parents/ILs, how did the arrangement begin?

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Reply to "Spinoff: if you financially support your parents/ILs, how did the arrangement begin?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I've gone through this with both my mom and my ILs.  With my mom it was clear it was all on me and my DH.  We started much earlier than most and asked her to move closer to us so she could be close with our kids.  We helped her find work and we pay her rent.  She cares for the kids when we have work travel and one afternoon a week.  I am sure this will change over time but she is only 65.  I raised the topic when we were on a visit about a year before the move.

ILs were different.  They started having health issues and needing money when DH was deployed.  I did what I could but when he got home we made a visit out.  We tried stop gap measures like buying their house and covering the mortgage.  This was a disaster.  They were in their early 80s.  Things got and are a lot better since we work d with them to move to assisted living.  My FIL was the one most resistant but responds well to facts so I did the research and my DH and I presented the plan during a visit.  The big sell was his physical health was becoming a burden on MIL whose mental health was in the decline.

Tips:

Make sure you and DH are in the same page with what you can and want to do

If siblings plan to be engaged talk to them about what that can look like together

Plan ahead - don't just think about the short term.  Who will have power of attorney and when?  Who will go on bank accounts.

It is just MIL now at 90 in a nursing home and Medicaid has kicked in but they had another 10 good years in independent and assisted living[/quote]

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