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[quote=Anonymous]I've known my in-laws for almost 20 years.  My FIL is a selfish jerk who verbally abuses my MIL and monopolizes every conversation.  My MIL is not the brightest bulb- she can be sweet but she is so submissive to my FIL that she can't have an opinion or really contribute to a conversation.  My DH can't stand his dad and thinks his mom is an idiot.  Kids don't seem to want much to do with them because they never talk to the kids or ask what is going on in their lives (tween/ teen age kids).

We do the obligatory visits once every few months where the in-laws never ask us how we're doing or what we're up to and they spend the visit telling us about the food they've eaten recently (it's very weird but it's their thing).  Since they don't ask about what or how anyone's doing we stopped volunteering that information years ago.  We tried to volunteer it for a period of time but they really didn't care so we stopped.  They don't know what is going on in our lives.  It's a very superficial relationship.  My FIL has gotten worse over the years and now pretty much just converses with himself during these visits, not allowing anyone else to respond without interrupting them.  So we basically just sit there for a few hours listening to him talk and demean his wife.

I'm the person from a few weeks ago whose in-laws were insisting to visit my dad in hospice when he was dying.  Thanks for all the support given from that post.  I think I'm finally done, given my history with them.  Got together with the in-laws for a late Thanksgiving.  My dad, who they didn't like but had given me such a hard time about visiting in hospice, finally passed away.  I haven't seen the in-laws since until yesterday.  Neither of my in-laws asked how I was doing or even told me they were sorry for my loss.  It isn't out of character, given that they don't care about us at all.  But I think I'm done.

I guess my question is this- when is it okay to cut your losses and be done with it?  DH and I both work full time and the kids are busy with their activities.  Is it wrong for me to gradually cut these people of of our lives?  DH doesn't really care one way or the other and has volunteered to take the kids without me whenever the next obligatory visit is (I'm feeling sick already!).  He's given up trying to make them into decent people.  Or should I just keep them in our lives for the kids and continue the status quo with lowered expectations?  Continuing the relationship isn't really harmful except the kids may think that FIL's behavior and treatment of people is acceptable.  Thoughts?  Be gentle, please.  [/quote]

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