Reply to Ex-boyfriend told me I'm not meant to live with anyone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
It's not entirely his fault, although he sounds abusive and therefore you're well rid of him. It's also your anxiety. I say this as a supremely anxious person, who had low self-esteem, developed panic attacks, PPD after the birth of DC1, and nearly wrecked my marriage with my hypersensitivity.

You CAN have a healthy relationship, particularly if you can learn how to keep your anxiety under control and have strategies when it's triggered. You should choose someone who can weather your anxiety with equanimity and patience, not anger. Not necessarily someone who understands you (because then he could be anxious himself, and you really don't want that genetic burden on your kids), but someone who is mature enough to know that your good points wouldn't exist without your bad points - they're just two facets of your personality.

Ex: I'm the perfect listener, a perfectionist in my work and get along great with everyone, because I'm anxious to please and do my best. I wouldn't be this way if I didn't have this chronic anxiety, that I can harness most days, but which make me go off track other days. See?

Take all setbacks as teaching moments, OP. The saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is particularly true for us hothouse flowers!

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OP here.  Thank you for this!  My anxiety got a lot worse living with someone who could fly off the handle and had zero qualms about criticizing me.  
My self-esteem took a huge nosedive and the anxiety flourished.  How did you handle the hypersensitivity.  I find that to be my greatest hurdle in my day-to-day life.  I read into everything and it drives me (and others) crazy.  I see a therapist regularly in order to resolve this.  It's just nice to get some words of wisdom and encouragement from someone who understands what I'm dealing with. [/quote]

I learned to deal with the hypersensitivity by:
1. Going through tough situations, such as having a child with special needs who needed intensive therapies, fighting with and nearly divorcing my husband, and dealing with job loss and nearly losing our house. When you're faced with that stuff, you stop navel-gazing. It's called perspective.
2. Aging. I'm tired of analyzing and self-critiquing every word after the fact, and replaying and agonizing over whole conversations and email exchanges. When I catch myself doing it, I let myself indulge for 5 minutes, then I force myself to think about something else.
3. My husband, who used to yell but has stopped (it was our deal - he deals with his anger and I deal with my anxiety), warns me: "Heads-up, this is the anxiety talking!", and sets me straight. We have BOTH come a long way!

The one problem I still have is waking up in panic at 3 am. There is nothing to do at 3am that won't turn me into a sleepy mess come 7am! So I can't really distract myself from my own thoughts, except to repeat mantras and do yoga, which really doesn't work. Usually I end up reading all night (which I love - it's a therapeutic escape) and then walk around in a daze the next day.
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