Reply to Overseas ILs? Anyone's 2-3-4-y-o meet grandparents for the *first* time?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think your update really clarifies things that we initially didn't get from the first post and I've been there with you. I think you need to prepare yourself for insults and choose now, before you even arrive, to not engage in their mind games. Prepare some quick exit lines you can use to excuse yourself when you see it start to go downhill. Prepare some to-dos you want to do in your ILs town and try to have at least one outing with the kids each day - ILs can be welcome to join in or not, but being out & about is a better recipe for success than staying in their home and just having each other to talk to and about.

Also, try to have a calm, goal oriented conversation with your husband ahead of time so that you're on the same page regarding what lines you collectively as a family can not have crossed and what the action plan will be if/when they do. If he simply can not be reasonable about his family, which wouldn't be surprising if he grew up in an emotionally abusive household, then accept that for what it is and let him know that you do have "do not cross" lines for yourself and the children and that you will check into a hotel if A, B, or C happens. Limit yourself to only having truly awful and traumatic things on that list - not offensive or off-putting things. [/quote]

Thank you!  Yes, I am not that sensitive to all the run-of-the-mill crazy/silly stuff, like, IDK, feeding DC ice cream nonstop, or insisting Santa is real (when we don't do Santa) or saying things like "girls shouldn't eat too much or they'll never find a husband." You know, that's annoying, that's something I'd never do, but I can get over that stuff.  My family has their MANY flaws and quirks-- doesn't everybody's?  NBD.

It's more that I'm sensitive to things like... telling their own child he is a terrible human being that they never want to see again (we obviously resolved that), when he is the kind of person that... Once I told some friends of mine that one of my cousins didn't like DH, and they literally burst out laughing and said, "Who doesn't like [DH]?" DH's younger brother attempted suicide as a teenager, and my FIL left on a business trip the next day. My PIL (specifically my MIL) are always "feuding" with someone, usually a female IL of some sort, and I'm not excited to be picked as the target (it rotates, and can last for years for no reason).

So I'm concerned that they'll tell her she's a "Bad Girl" because of some nonsense, or that they'll tell me how to parent ("Good mothers do X") while I'm right in the midst of dealing with a stressful tantrum... and those are mild examples.  I'm concerned we-- or worse, DC-- will be vilified for some minor issue, possibly imaginary.  Yes, I'm nervous, okay?  Maybe I'm overreacting-- I hope and think I am-- but it's not out of nowhere.

But it's nice to see that some people see wordiness and understandable trigger-shyness as signs of insanity on MY part. [/quote]

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