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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]14 years ago we moved 2500 miles from family for DH to start a new job.  We bought a house in a family friendly neighborhood.  13 and 10 years ago our DDs were born.  We made friends with our neighbors who were young and all starting families.  In fact, for the first 5 or so years, it was common to have 4-6 moms or dads with the kids hanging out at the end of our driveway each night after dinner in the warmer weather.   My DC-ren often played in the street with their best friends from across the street.  I was best friends with the mom.  We sat in our lawnchairs and chatted about the good things in life and supported each other when parenting become difficult. We traveled together.  We were both SAHMs, busy with playdates, driving to activities and I was then involved in the PTSA.

Although our families lived far away, DH and I had lots of friends helping us raise our girls - friends from DDs schools, neighborhood and DH work.  Then about 5-7 years ago, people stated moving away.  Two of our closest families moved.  Two other couples got divorced and started new lives but I still had my best friend from across the street.

But then three years ago, my best friend, out of the blue moved away.  My kids lost their best friend and I lost mine.

6 months later, DC 1.0 moved onto a middle school at a very intense school and struggled with shyness, awkward social-ness and executive functioning skills. DC 2.0 went through 3 months of school refusal. I would try to talk with DH and he'd just deny my concerns telling me I was focusing too much on wanting to solve their struggles.  I started waking up every night thinking and worrying about them and  then I would be tired when they came home in the afternoon and I wasn't the nicest mom to them.  And then I would wake up again the next night beating myself up that I needed to be a calmer, nicer mom.  And then I would be tired and mean... you get it - a vicious cycle.    I see my agitation is wearing off on my younger daughter who flips out in frustration just like me and I don't want her to see this role model.  I see that my older DD tries to be a people pleaser so I remain calm and both seem afraid to ask for much as they've heard 'no" so many times.  I worry about them.

I've talked with my doctor about not sleeping and worrying about my girls.  [b]SHe was quick to prescribe medication 6 months ago- amitriptyline - which I haven't taken because I feel like it will just mask the underlying problem.  [/b]

Since my best friend moved away 3 years ago, I've been lonely.  I walk my dog a lot and started back at the gym but that doesn't help.  I've tried being more social at school functions and trying to connect with other moms at pick up time but I've been unsuccessful.  DH focuses a lot on work and has become more absorbed in his job and less interested in socializing.  When I;ve talked to him about finding new families to do things with, he says he  uses all his energy at work and raising our girls.  He doesn't need to socialize more - again kind of avoiding acknowledging a problem.

As DD 1.0 entered 8th grade, I realize I don't have much time left to be that good mom who is kind and calm and there for her - a mom who she can rely and confide in.  I realize DD 2.0 shys away from making connections with friends and I don't want her to be lonely. I feel she has put up a wall of some-kind to be emotionally distant because I have been so for the last 3 years.

So, where do I go from here?  Who can help fix my sleeping so I am a better person, not so high strung and demanding?  WHo can help me be a kinder, gentler, more connected mom?

[/quote]

Do you want things to get better or not?

If you do, take the medication. You need it to help you get to a place where you can then put into practice other behavior changes.

You already know the underlying problems - depression, anxiety, loneliness, overwhelm.  You don't want to take the medication because then you have to admit those are the issues.

Also, if you aren't working, you might want to consider it. It gives you something else to focus on and it can give you a chance to socialize with new people. [/quote]

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