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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Now I am on the grocer's website and see a "no alcohol or tobacco" option. She smokes and drinks, a very very expensive habit for someone on her income.

Would it be a jerk move to use the no alcohol/tobacco option? I don't want to embarrass her if he goes to use it for a purchase including these things and is then denied, but I definitely do not want to fund her illness and contribute to her declining health.[/quote]

[b]OP, money is fungible.  Your funding her legitimate groceries will free whatever other funds she has or can get, to spend on whatever she chooses. [/b] I can see why you might still choose to give in whatever form, in the hopes that your gift will trickle down to your teenage cousins.  [/quote]

This.  My SIL always asks for money for a legitimate bill.  But that just frees up her actual income to spend on herself and not on her daughter.

OP, it's your money and you can attach strings to it.  If she doesn't like it, she can ask someone else for money.[/quote]

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