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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]possibly anxiety. The constant worries about being liked, worries about how peers are perceiving him, combined with him feeling like you don't understand his inner turmoil, this goes beyond something as simple as not having a backbone (BTW, that's incredibly dismissive and no wonder you son feels like you don't get it). If it really is anxiety, the more you insist he grow a backbone and harp on what you see as his failings, the more crushing it is for him and reinforces feelings of inferiority and being a failure in your eyes.[/quote]

This sounds very much like my DS who has severe anxiety (but was not diagnosed until his later teens). He was extremely self-conscious and was constantly worried about what other people would think about every aspect of what he wore, said, did, etc.

[/quote]

Mine, too, except he was diagnosed with anxiety in K.  It's waxed and waned over the years (he's now in HS) but always there.  He does Boy Scouts and that has helped.  In the beginning, his dad was really involved (even going to BS camp with him for a week in the summer) but scaled back as DS got older.  We practiced things a LOT with him to build confidence, identified small challenges to overcome rather than trying the big things first.  We also revisit his accomplishments and remind him how hard/difficult/bad things were at first and then how he has improved.

About he's perceived by peers - this has been a long standing issue with DS.  He wants to fit in, he's worried that he doesn't and if an offhand comment can be twisted into something negative, he twists it.  He also re-hashes interactions.  We've done a lot of work with him on CBT and framing his thoughts.  Although it's not directly related to issues with social acceptance, if you haven't already, you might look into Carol Dweck's work on mindset.

http://mindsetonline.com/abouttheauthor/

http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2015/11/23/teachers-parents-often-misuse-growth-mindset-research-carol-dweck-says [/quote]

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