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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Get him in Boy Scouts. There is a lot of rigamarole but overall there are great benefits. The boys actually learn a great deal, have to demonstrate skills and present info relating to said skills, share experiences (both pleasant and unpleasant) with peers and work towards goals. My son is now fifteen and is on his way to Eagle Scout. We really began to notice his confidence and maturity as he entered high school last year.[/quote]

OP, give this a try, especially if he doesn't already have an activity that he's doing regularly. Our godson was shy and pretty diffident about everything and Boy Scouting has helped him come out of his shell. Now that he's in high school he is working hard on being a leader--running for troop leadership positions, working on awards, etc. It's been very good for him. Be aware that every troop is different, and a lot can depend on the personalities of leaders and other parents involved; also, your son would be starting at an older age than some other boys, so you might seek out a troop that is a newer troop of boys around his same age, as opposed to a group that has been together since all were pretty young. Not sure how Boy Scouting organizes that (I have a daughter and know a lot about Girl Scouts' organization but understand BSA is quite different). I just know that it's been good for our godson.

Also, since he won't listen to you and feels you "don't understand him" -- and I sure know that story from my own kid -- see if you can get him into an activity at school or church (if that's your thing) or somewhere, where he will have access to adults (especially younger adult men like teachers or club advisers) who can talk about being confident and not caring what others think about you except people whose opinions you really value. Maybe he needs a mentor who is not mom or dad -- kids often will listen better to an adult who isn't a parent. Are the clubs or service groups at his school or through the community, church, etc.? Especially if Boy Scouts is just not his interest, getting him into some form of activity or service that will get him outside his own head and helping others, alongside good role models, would help. If there's a good counselor at his school who would talk with him informally, maybe have him in for lunch in the office a few times, that might help too if your son's open to that and their personalities click.

One other thing. If he's this sensitive about "fitting in" at age 11, take extra care that he doesn't start to "go along to get along" as he hits middle school. That is when there's increasing pressure on kids like him to do what alpha kids tell them to do--try drinking or drugs, hand over your money, do this or that. My friend's son has had some real issues with boys in his eighth grade classes asking him if he wants drugs, or bragging (whether for real or not) about drinking or what they've done with girls. (And this is in a school with a good reputation, in our "nice" suburb, so don't think your son won't at least hear this soon.) A boy who was super sensitive about fitting in could end up in trouble, even if he knows objectively that he shouldn't do certain things. Friend's son is fine, as he totally doesn't care what other kids think of him. But in your case, I think you're right to want to build up some confidence in your son now. Involving him in activities both to give him confidence and to keep him busy (so he has less time to brood over "What do they think of me at school?") could help.[/quote]

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