Reply to Advice to help me help my 81 year old Mom handle/tolerate life with my 89 year old Dad

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[quote=Anonymous]
Brainstorming here.

Review your Dad's medication to see if there's anything that might mellow him out? It must also be awful for him to be in this state. My mother benefited from...I think it was Cymbalta. She noticed that things didn't bother her like they had before. I may be thinking of something else though, it's been a few years since she died.

If you've already noticed that your mother benefits from having someone else around, why not find a way to increase the frequency? Home visits from healthcare folks may be covered by insurance. Having someone else take over some of your father's care is only part of it, right? Giving your mom that space for herself, the absence of ongoing confrontation---that'd be good, right? Welcome in the clergy that may be available. Also, if you are in a position to get her some alone time by getting her involved in a senior activity---like water therapy, general pt, or something else that may be convincingly non-negotiable---maybe she'd have community and a safe place to receive, rather than constantly giving, giving, giving.

Music is a great help to me. It seems like having music playing in the background mellows out the whole home environment. When things are hectic, I crank up the tunes and it makes everything better. Maybe your mother is similarly inclined? I don't know. But I applaud your efforts here. Good luck finding what works.

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