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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry this is really tough, OP.  And I'm glad you are not going to just put up with it.

Trying to be kind here.  In my opinion, it's way more important that you do what you can to help develop empathy, compassion, and work ethic in your daughter than it is for her to be academically successful.  We have way too many financially successful, self-centered, entitled pricks in our society.  You're still raising her - please do what you can while you can.

So, IMO, that means, in part, teaching her that she is not entitled to maid service and laundry service.  Make her responsible for her laundry and her space as well as other jobs in the house.  If she needs your help because she is on a deadline for school, she'll need to ask for your help, and then show appreciation for your help.  Does she have an allowance (for nothing)?  If so, I'd eliminate that.    Flip everything from "getting" to "earning".

Empathy is a bit harder now that she's older, but I'd intentionally model your empathy for others in lots of discussions.  Talk about what's going on, talk about how you feel for people, talk about what you can do.  "I'd like you to watch this YouTube story I just watched about Syrian refugees...I feel so sad for that mom with a toddler whose husband died...she's living in a tent and must be so cold and scared.  It reminds me of when you were a toddler and your dad went away for business for a week, and you were sick, and I felt so helpless.  But this mom must feel a million times more scared and helpless; my heart breaks for her.  What do you think she's feeling?  I wonder what we could do from here.  I heard that there is a coat and blanket drive for Syrian refugees at Government Center.  What would you think about working together to collect some blankets and coats?"[/quote]

Thank you for your tone!  I totally agree with you.  I've tried to talk about other's situations for years with her, including this morning.  They don't seem to penetrate.  It is eerily similar to my mother who rails on about her minor discomforts but gives no thoughts to others with true problems, even when I bring them up as points of comparison.

I also agree with you about academics.  I hope for balanced and compassionate lives for them.  But she is totally driven academically.  She has no allowance.  We expect help when we ask and she does do that generally (not willingly this weekend, though).  She has pretty much no free time because she takes so long with her school work and basic self-care.  She doesn't spend time on screens at all.  And maybe texts for ten minutes a day.[/quote]

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