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[quote=Anonymous]A friend recently awakened in the very early morning hours to her husband digitally penetrating her in her sleep. At other times, she has awakened in the middle of the night to her husband masturbating in bed while groping her and digitally penetrating her. On all of these occasions she pretended not to wake up, feeling completely mortified and violated and I don't know, frozen? Said she hoped it would go away quickly if she pretended it wasn't happening. Apparently consensual sex has never been initiated in any way that would make this seem to him like a "come on" with her - aka she has never woken up at a random time wanting to have sex with him, and has never responded affirmatively to wanting sex upon just waking (just not something she enjoys, and he would know this after 5+ years of marriage). After the most recent (early morning) event she was so upset that she got the courage up to tell him that it was completely not okay with her, and he became very defensive and said she was acting in her sleep as if she wanted to have sex. A couple days later and he is very upset that she is still having a hard time, and thinks she should be able to just move on past it and that he was justified in his actions.

Is there any question that this is rape? It is so confusing, because he is an overall nice guy. I honestly always thought that a big part of her attraction to him was that she felt he was "safe" in many ways (she was previously in an abusive marriage before meeting current husband), and she is completely shocked by this. I listened and tried to be supportive, but I was a little dumbfounded myself.[/quote]

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