Reply to feeling disappointed in DH's reaction and support

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been under tremendous stress at work (well above the normal stuff).  Despite how much I have verbalized this to DH, he has been very detached and removed from me. What I really need is support, meaning emotional support (example - you are doing great, it will be fine, I will support you no matter what you decide).  Or a hug...  It's like he has entirely pulled back from me emotionally, and I can not express how hurt and disappointed I am.  I have told him, but of course, he is defensive and says that he is supporting me and b/c I am stressed, he is trying to steer clear of me.   It feels really hard right now to be able to get over this hurt, b/c, although we have been very fortunate to date, stresses and bad times will occur in the future.   It's just one of these moments where I really am looking at the situation and wondering why, after 15 years of marriage, I feel like this.  I really just want to get it off my chest and am looking for some constructive thoughts.  I am not a damsel in distress, by any means, but really feel like I need him to step in and help reassure me on both the work and personal front, but we seem to be at a stale mate. [/quote]

You have told him how you feel and what would help you out, and he is still reluctant to help? So he won't give you a hug if you ask for one? I'm sorry if I sound obtuse I'm just trying to get it clear.

My husband is quite detached and aloof and has to be told how to support as he is not naturally affectionate. He will love it if I give him a big hug or kiss his face, but he was adopted and has an inherent fear of abandonment or rejection and it informs his behavior.

Also some guys just don't know how to express support. They think just listening quietly is doing that job.

So its sometimes about shifting your expectations of what he should be doing and being crystal clear about what you need him to do.

I hope this is helpful. I'm sure someone with better advice will turn up.[/quote]

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