Reply to How to handle disrespect from a 3yo

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[quote=Anonymous]I think this is normal behavior but does need to start being addressed.  3 year olds are really seeking to assert their independence, and if she can tell this type of thing bothers you, it probably makes her more prone to do it than other kids might.  On the other hand, 3 year olds are also still experimenting with and learning language, and so some of their tone and phrasing has to be taken with a grain of salt.  I remind myself frequently that my 3-year-old doesn't mean to be disrespectful when he says something like, "Mommy, pick that up," instead of, "Can you please pick that up?"

In my opinion, the best thing to do is to remind her regularly but kindly how to say things nicely and to point out calmly when things are not nice.  She's still learning what's nice and not -- I think in particular that your #2 example is a case where she isn't trying to be rude but is more focused on outcome.  Saying something like, "That's not a nice way to ask.  It hurts my feelings.  What could you say instead?" will help her (after you model a few times what she could say, like, "Can you please leave now?")

I would also try to make a joke of it more often than not -- maybe act mock offended.  The more she sees that it pushes your buttons, the more she will do it.  And I really think that most of this is NOT a case of being "bratty" but of just thinking more about outcome than wording.  If you can make a joke of it while pointing out that the phrasing is not very nice, she'll be less likely to continue it in the future.[/quote]

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