Reply to Is this marriage after 8 years and 2 kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't think OP is saying it's tit for tat, but that she's feeling unappreciated and that can kill your desire to have sex sometimes.  So it's not like he must go buy her roses and a romantic dinner or she will not put out, but that he seems to be just phoning it in and that makes her feel like she is not important.  She also sounds like she's having a good amount of sex with her husband so it's not like she's being punitive or anything.

OP, I totally get it.  I also want to feel desired.  I have told my husband that I like to get texts saying he's thinking about me and it makes me feel good if he plans a nice date that reflects something he observes I enjoy.  Or if he surprises me with my favorite chocolate truffle.  It just make me feel like I am on his mind in a good way.  There are sexual ways to do this too - like if I am doing dishes or something mundane and he comes up behind and gently squeezes me and whispers that I am hot and he can't wait to get me alone, that will make me feel desired and it will turn me on.  But I have had to tell him all of these things because he is just not wired the same.

You say you had a fight about it, and this happens once a month or so.  Maybe you could try to discuss this without fighting and talk about what EACH of you need to make you feel loved.  Maybe if you both work on figuring out what the other needs to feel connected, it can be a joint project to improving things.[/quote]

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