Reply to My former girlfriend wanted to hurt me so she trash talked me to my fiance

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi everybody, I am really in a bind here and not sure what to do.

Almost a year and a half ago I met my now fiance. When we met we clicked instantly and became an item right away.  He is charming, intelligent, attractive, educated and an all around great guy. About four months ago, we moved in together and it's been great - we have similar interests and just really enjoy the time we spend together. I knew he was serious about me when he started talking about the future as "our future together." I can honestly say that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

A couple of months into our relationship, we had a talk about our past boyfriends / girlfriends. He's 31 (I'm 28) and has had a few girlfriends; some serious, some not so serious but never just casual.  I had absolutely no problem with any of that. I realized, however,  that his "number" was lower than mine and that he has never tried any crazy stuff.  Sooo... I didn't go into full details about my own past.  In particular, I did not mention anything about my boyfriend before him. That boyfriend and I did not last long but right from the beginning,  it was "anything goes."  When we broke up romantically we remained friends and I've since introduced him to my fiancé as my "good friend."   My fiancé was accepting of what information I did divulge.  I remember him asking me if there was anything in my past that could be an embarrassment to our future. I answered "no."  Life together continued great and we got engaged in June!!

When we first started dating, it was different with my fiancé because it took a while for us to become lovers. When we did, I discovered that he is great between the sheets! Even so, I have been a bit hesitant to let loose completely in the bedroom. He has suggested on numerous occasions that since he has found in me his true love, he would like for us to be more adventurous in bed. He wants to try stuff he has never tried with another woman.  I have so far resisted even though what my fiancé wants is not really new to me - I had those experiences with my ex.

Fast forward to last week. We were at a pub with a bunchy of our friends.  Everyone had plenty to drink and loud conversations were everywhere. At some point I noticed that this total b*tch who used to be my friend (or so I thought!!) was also in the pub. She saw me and came over. She used to be my friend but we had a really terrible falling out and haven't spoken since. Anyway, she was beyond drunk and started blabbering away. I tried to ignore her so she'd leave but she did not take the hint so I politely asked her to leave. She got angry and started mouthing off. At some point she looked at my fiance and asked him if he knew that I had threesomes with my ex (she had the nerve to mention him by name!!!) and some other guy!! My fiance told her to get lost and stood up and she backed off and slithered away.

Pretty soon after that my fiancé just looked at me and said let's go. In the car and at home there was no conversation. The next day he asked me if what the b*tch said was true. I stammered and didn't really say anything coherent.  In fact, it was true.  With my ex I had a (small!) number of threesomes (and I had confided all that to the b*tch way back when) . My guy took my non answer as a yes and I finally did admit it. He says that I have deceived him and humiliated him.  He feels terrible and he says it's worse since he figures all our friends now know as well.  He has said that he is now reconsidering things between us.   Even though I told him all that was in the past and that I love him with all my heart, he still feels like he's been duped.  He's also extremely angry that I hadn't wanted to experiment with him while I had "no problem" experimenting with the other guy.  When I asked him what I could do, he said he wants to "revisit" our past relationships talk and how many guys I've been intimate with.  He also wants to know more about my ex and who the second guy in the threesomes was.

What do I do?  He really is the real deal. I have dated enough losers and jerks in the past to recognize this.  I don't want to lose him. He is the only man I have ever wanted to marry.  I'm incredibly sorry that he was humiliated.  I don't know what to do.  Any advice would be so appreciated.

[/quote]

I think your fiance is immature.  And so are you.  If you were embarassed about the threesome and he asked you if you had done anything you were embarassed about, you should have said so (who hasn't done anything they regret?!) but then just not have given him any details.  Instead, you lied, which is worse.

So come clean if you want, or tell him your past is none of his business.  If you're a good person and he's the real deal, then he'll stick around.  [/quote]

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