Reply to Downsizing aging parent: 2 sibs who live close+1 who lives far=drama

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[quote=Anonymous]Tell me, siblings who lived close to their aging parent who required downsizing help (and by "help" I don't mean assistance, I mean totally managing every aspect of a move because parent has completely given up any sense of ownership of their own life), what did you want or expect your sibling who lived farther away to do?

My mom is a mess and my sisters are angry that I'm not more involved in the downsizing process but I have no idea what more I can do because I haven't lived in our hometown for 25 years, a place where my sisters have adult-life contacts such as realtors and contractors, and I cannot absent myself from my family (a child with SN with a demanding therapy schedule, a baby, a spouse in a new, high-level job who cannot take leave during the probationary period).  I have offered money and am paying for professional movers but I am getting nothing but grief from the middle sister who has been in a state of prolonged bitchiness for the past several years.  The offer of money was accepted yet I cannot get basic questions such as how much the quote was and what it included from the sister in charge (actually her husband to whom she seems to be delegating a lot of work).  I finally got the name of the company they hired and called them myself because I've been asking for details for a month and cannot get any information out of them.  After I did that I was told that I had "pissed the movers off" after asking five minutes of basic questions and not to contact them again.  WTF?

The move is tomorrow and I will be present for that and some unpacking--we're staying overnight.  I'm dreading it so much.  So much sister fighting, my mom, who is 74 and has been having health problems is in bad shape, and I'm on a short fuse myself due to the amount of work it takes to get us all down there, knowing how much of my time there will actually be spent keeping my kids out of trouble (so not really that productive but I'm making an appearance), and the fact that I really have no more bandwidth for caregiving because my one kid has used it all up.  The middle sister has no kids and I'm trying really hard not to play that card but she has no idea what my life is really like.  The youngest sister has two.  I'm trying to take the attitude that nobody wants to handle this and that we are all very busy but I cannot get away.  There's a lot of work to be done after the move such as fixing up the house for sale but I truly don't know what more I could do remotely.  [/quote]

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