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[quote=Anonymous]It's a game and you need to stop playing it, as you have already figured out.  You are on the right track with saying "I'm sorry you are feeling that way" and ending it.  Your trigger is that you are a problem-solver, so you want to help.  But your advice will never be taken - that's not the object of the game.

I also had two people in my life who did this to me.  One was a toxic friend with whom I'm no longer friends and the other was my mom.  With my mom, she would really dig in and it frustrated her to no end when I wouldn't play it with her.  I responded with "I'll be interested to hear how you resolve that" or "Hmmm" then changed the subject.  She hardly ever tries to engage me like that anymore.

Both players are getting something out of the game - in the description below, the initiator wants sympathy.  In my mom's case, it's her way of putting me down, my solutions are never, ever good enough and she can't wait to tell me how and why.

If you google "Why don't you - yes, but" or Eric Berne you will get a lot of information.  There's also a really good YouTube video that shows how the game goes.

'Why don't you – yes but'

This game begins when a person states a problem in their life, and another responds by offering constructive suggestions on how to solve it. The subject says 'yes, but...' and proceeds to find issue with the solutions. In adult mode she would examine and probably take on board a solution (an Adult stance), but this is not the purpose of the exchange. Its purpose is to allow the subject to gain sympathy from others in her inadequacy to meet the situation (Child mode). The problem-solvers, in turn, get the opportunity to play wise Parent.
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