Reply to Vent - protecting my mom's feelings is exhausting

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom (who has broad self-esteem issues and is insecure) always feels like she is in a competition with my MIL.  MIL lives closer, gives us gifts, etc., although really I think it comes down to MIL being skinny.  Anyway, Mom is very invested in my wanting her around and in my loving the gifts she gives.

MIL has been pressing me to make a certain improvement to my home -- something that did need to be done, but was not urgent and which I was putting off because it was going to be a big pain to interview contractors etc.  I mentioned that to Mom, and Mom offered to pay for the improvement and she helped interview contractors when she was here for a visit.  (I argued about the money a bit, FWIW, but she says she'd rather see me spend it than have me inherit it.)  Well, the installation was today and, nobody's fault, but I'm not happy.  I don't like the new look, and the contractor promised some things he can't deliver, and after exploring options I see there's nothing I can do about any of it.  I'm upset and I'd like to have a good moan before getting on with my life.

BUT I know my mom would feel like the problem was her fault, and that this expensive gift had "failed" because I wasn't thrilled with the work.  She would take it so personally.  So now when I tell her about it I will have to be fake upbeat and  pleased, and never mention my disappointment.  Blah.  [/quote]

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