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[quote=Anonymous]My mother has been a wreck for... well, all my life, but it's gotten to a very dire point recently. She got a DUI over the summer and although her ex-husband didn't go after her for full custody after that (my brother wasn't with her that weekend), recently her drinking has continued to the point where every weekend my brother is with her, he calls his dad to come get him early so he doesn't have to stay around her drinking any longer. She of course lies through her teeth to the rest of us that she isn't drinking at all around him. Over the weekend she texted me asking how I felt about her moving up here because she's ready to just sign over full custody to my brother's dad and be done with it. I was furious. First of all that she thinks she can just abandon her child like that because she's tired of being accountable to him and her ex for being a poor parent, but that she thought I would support her doing so and would let her come live with me. I told her absolutely not.

I talked to my aunt yesterday who informed me that my brother's dad is going for full custody as of this morning because over the weekend, he was with my mom and while they were at a friend's house, he caught her drinking. He called his dad to come and get him, and I guess because she was mad my brother had again ratted her out to his dad, she told him "I'm moving to Virginia and leaving you behind anyway." I am just galled. I can't believe she thinks it's okay to just give up parenting this child so she can do whatever she wants without being responsible for him and his well being. I guess her plan was to just sign over custody and then high tail it here to come wreck my life at my expense- it's not happening.

I'm at the point where I realize I can't keep helping her. My husband and I have given her lots of help over the years- paying bills for her when she couldn't, literally bailing her out of jail for her DUI, etc. I kept thinking "She just needs a little help so she can get her life in order" and now I'm realizing, no amount of help ever makes the difference. It temporarily solves her current problem, and then she goes on and creates more problems and continues the same shit that just got her in trouble. I could literally buy the woman a car and a house and give her a bank account full of money and still she would find a way to blow through it all and ruin it and end up in the mud again. There's truly nothing I can do for her that I haven't already done and none of it mattered.

I am pretty sure I need to seek counseling to learn healthy ways to deal with her (the stress of her life just eats me up and it kills me that she just WON'T DO RIGHT in any aspect of her life) and the residual effects growing up with her left me with, but I would like advice from those who've been there- did it help you? Did it enable you to detach yourself from the mess in a way that wasn't just godawful? I'm the oldest and she's relied on me for so much- I truly have no idea how to just "cut her off" or turn off the stress I feel knowing how awful she insists on making her life. She's had opportunity after opportunity to lead a normal, healthy life and every time, she messes it up. Her main concern seems to be that she can do whatever she wants without being beholden to anyone for the choices she makes. I can't cope with it on my own anymore.[/quote]

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