Reply to I need help not thinking about divorcing my husband.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband has been unemployed since June, goes to a lot of interviews but hasn't gotten 1 serious offer yet.  He does some freelance work and we're getting by with that but just not as comfortable.   In the mean time I have a long commute, dropping off and picking our kids from a family member's house (same general direction but adds on an hour round trip) and it makes logical sense that I do the pickup/drop off.   I have asked that he does more house chores now that he's home most of the day but he does not agree that cleaning bathroom/changing bed sheets/mop the floor need to be done weekly or dishes/empty trash bins need to be done daily.   The kids & I leave at 6:30 and we get home between 5-6 pm, the house is usually a mess while he's home all day (he's usually napping or watching TV).   Other things that's driving me insane: I asked him to hang a picture on the wall and the box of nails is still on the dining table for our toddlers (2-3 year olds) to play with.  He cut an apple for them and left a knife at the edge of the counter.  He doesn't take the initiative to interact with our kids unless I suggest it.

Last night after dinner he asked me to do the dishes since he did it on Tuesday and doesn't feel like doing it again.  So then I suggested that we split all the chores and pickup/drop off the kids equally which did not go well with him either (his argument is that none of these chores has to be done weekly).  We canceled housekeeping service to save money but even when we had someone cleaning the house for us every other week, I still did all these chores on the "off" week.   I'm just so fed up with having to live with a slob and all I could think about right now is to divorce him once he's employed again.[/quote]

DH here.  Have you talked to him about it in a constructive way?  Not coming off like you are upset/nagging him about it,  a lot of DH's will take stuff like this as nagging.  I don't know your dynamic but maybe really think about how he would react to this kind of feedback the best way, not the way you want to say it based on how pissed you are feeling (which is justified by the way).  It is [b]Incredibly[/b]  hard and painful for a man to lose his job, it strikes at everything core to being a husband and father, so it is a really hard place to be in.  Not an excuse but when I read this I don't see him being a slob or lazy, but having the core of who he is as a husband and father.

If he was like this before unemployment then a whole set of different issues, but if before losing work he wasn't like this all the time please be supportive and recognize that he probably feels worse about everything that is going on then you do.[/quote]

I've watched many men fall apart like this when they lose their jobs. And I just don't get it. It's hard for women to lose their jobs too. But women seem to be able to update and send out resumes even while bawling their eyes out.  If he wants to be viewed as a tough guy, doing needed work around the house is it. That's a man who does what's needed to help  his family. Sitting around all day watching TV is as emasculating as it gets.  I don't get why so many men are so fragile. [/quote]

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