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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The family is allowed to have good memories and tell fun stories about him -- he was  still their father.  Being an alcoholic doesn't diminish him as a person or as a beloved father.  Now, that doesn't mean fun stories about his drunk driving or binge drinking should be encouraged around kids, but I really think that the kids have gotten the point that Grandpa had a problem.  Enough said.  Don't be a scold.

[/quote]

I don't think it's about trying to diminish him or harp on "But he was an alcoholic!"

Alcoholism is a disease.  The problem is when we are not honest with are skeletons in the closet no matter if they are alcoholism, mental health, LDs, it makes it a lot harder for our kids.  They need to know things from a health prospective in case they are encountering them too.

Patrick Kennedy is facing a lot of backlash from his family over his book about his family's struggle with alcoholism:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/10/05/in-putting-a-political-familys-secrets-out-in-the-open-patrick-kennedy-is-hardly-the-first/

It's not unusual for people in the same family to have different narratives/experiences with the same thing.  Personally OP, I think your oldest two are ready to be educated about alcoholism.  I don't think you use their grandfather as the primary example, but you can mention how this affected him too.  Please remember, it is a disease.  I think you should approach Al-Anon for help b/f moving forward in any case.[/quote]

Educating a child about alcoholism is fine. It should be done for every child.  But alcoholics are still people who can be beloved by their family members.  I get the notion that it's confusing for these children to hear sentimental stories about grandpa while mom tells them about the evils of alcoholism and the horrors of a cirrhosis death.  Children are very black and white in their thinking.  They tend to think that persons labeled with terms like alcoholic are evil.  If they hear fond memories, they grow confused.

I think OP needs to back off.  These children are too young to understand that family relationships and lives are more complex than saying tropes like "Grandpa was an alcoholic."  Yes, there is a danger of becoming a scold here, especially since these children themselves are at genetic risk of alcoholism.  Alcoholics can be beloved and can love others.  They can be full fledged family members.  And holidays are not the time for a morality tale about Grandpa.  Really, OP.[/quote]

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