Reply to Fiance, family , marriage, and history of sexual abuse.

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you didn't exactly ask what to do in your relationship, but I'm going to tell you: please move along.

Your fiancé is the victim, and regardless of his choices about whether or not to allow the abuser into his life. He will be victimized the rest of his life, by people like you, or by his family, who cannot understand why he does or doesn't allow that person into his life. He's in a no-win, no matter what he does DUE YO NO FAULT OF HIS OWN.

He may think he's fine, and he may or may not be. It could come up later once he's in a trusting sexual relationship with you. Or when you have children. Or because it's February. And it's his grief and sadness that counts, not your anger. You strike me as someone who will be angry at him, instead of allowing him the grief and time that he needs to mourn a childhood trust that was taken away from him. Instead you'll be mourning a picture if the IL family you wanted, instead of standing by his pain. And that, is very very sad.

We are born Into he family we are. We are bound by our parents choices. We make choices later that may not make sense based on what we know and love. If they are unpalatable to you, you need to move on.

If you're fighting him now about it,  it will only get worse later. He has put a huge trust in you, and like his abuser, you are already abusing that trust: making him feel shame and guilt. These are not your choices to make.

Signed,
Childhood sexual abuse survivor (by two different perpetrators)
Please, let him go.

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