Reply to what happens to my brother when my parents die?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"They are 69 and 73 so it's not imminent," -- for planning purposes, you better assume it will happen within the next five years. You idea that they will live for a "few decades" more is statistically unlikely.

"I asked my father point blank what he thought would happen to my brother and he was very callous about it." -- not sure why he should care. He has done all he can do.

I'm trying to understand how the brother had enough organization and motivation to get highly educated but then failed totally after that. Did the mental illness arise in his mid to late 20s or something?[/quote]

OP here. They will not live a couple of decades.  I was saying he will live a couple of decades after they die.

He got in trouble in high school and college but was so smart it was easy for him to graduate. Went to a good business school in his 20s, same deal. He never held a job for more than two years after that and all of the jobs ended with mysterious legal battles that my mom blamed on the big bad world being unfair to him. Fast (slow) forward around 2010 and he could no longer even run a small business while living with my parents.  Decades of toxic enabling plus whatever was in his makeup to begin with.

He won't agree to see anyone at a mental health non-profit (I tried in 2011) and my mother won't tell him he's ill. When I mention it she says I'm "jealous" of the attention she gives him. I'm in my 40s, with job, home, spouse, child, and friends. She's created him, I know. He hasn't existed outside of their dynamic for so long I don't know if he can comprehend life outside the bubble.

Maybe this was just a vent. I sound solution-resistant like he is but I'm not. I've hit so many dead ends. I don't think he'd live with me once they were gone. He'd probably keep their home until the money for mortgage ran out. She won't sell -- dad wants to. Selling would add to the savings; house is huge and expensive to maintain. But then they wouldn't have the outbuilding where he's been doing better than in their home.

Anyone ever given up on a relative? My father has but he's got it easier. With his state of health he'll be gone within a decade. He won't see the years of decline after that. [/quote]

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