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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DS is 11 and hopes to be bar mitzvahed. I say hopes because we literally have no funds to pay for a party. We don't even belong to a synagogue but he does attend a religious school and has learned some hebrew. Has anybody done the following (or been to one like I'm proposing)?

[b]The plan is to have a very tiny private ceremony at a restaurant[/b] followed by a lunch just for immediate family and very close aunts/uncles/cousins. We're talking maybe 30 family members. The grandparents have offered to host the meal only, no entertainment. Think private room not renting out the restaurant.

We would like to have a separate casual celebration for about 25 kids that evening.  I think we can swing a budget of $1000 for the kids party. Obviously we can't afford a DJ or lavish menu. It will be super relaxed but hopefully incorporate a fun kids activity. We've heard of some people even doing bowling.

Is this ok? Is it weird to only invite friends to the party and not the ceremony? Since the ceremony is with the lunch I feel funny having kids attend and leave. The lunch will be no fun for the kids (just food and no entertainment).

We want DS to celebrate his special day but we really truly can't afford the typical celebration. [/quote]

I am confused - there is going to be a torah reading at a restaurant?  Being called to the torah IS the ceremony of Bar/Bat mitzvah.

If I were you, I would find an indepent minyan (maybe David Shneyer's?) that would be cool with your DS being called to the torah without membership or money.  Let the kids come to that if they want.

You can still do a restaurant thing with just family  and a separate kids party.   Keeping the fancier meal small is certainly appropriate if your means are limited.

Of course if you have access to a torah scroll, and enough relatives for a minyan, and someone skilled enough to lead (whether a rabbi or not) you can do a ceremony in a restaurant I suppose.  [/quote]

We have an officiant from our Jewish community group who will bring a Torah scroll. Those who aren't affiliated with temples do have bar mitzvahs in outside locations which include reading from the Torah. We have been to a number in hotel ballrooms. In our case, even the hotel is out of our budget so we are looking for a restaurant that will offer a private space to hold the ceremony.

My son wouldn't be comfortable participating in a service that was conservative or orthodox, but this might be a good option for a different family. We're reformed. [/quote]

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