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[quote=Anonymous]

From what I have seen of one of our DD's and SIL, it depends on the maturity and expectations on both sides.  DD and SIL received 20% for the downpayment on their home from SIL's parents who are very generous and he is an only child.  However, both DD and SIL are not emotionally that independent and thus the In-Laws, particularly FIL has had more of a say in the operation of their home than is healthy.  However, if you have a DS who calls at the least little issue even for advice, it is hard for DS to complain about parental involvement.

A bigger issue for this couple is that the IN-Laws let them know not that they were establishing an education trust fund for twins, but "the amount!!"  It has taken away the incentive that one needs to be saving for college and again just seems to feed into both DD's and SIL's over-reliance "on parents."  And actually given the cost of undergrad today and the fact these kids are very young, one can honestly say well if undergrad is paid for, then still save to help with grad school or first home purchase.  It is a balance and not always necessarily the negative being on the In-LAWS.

Also, it is important to be equitable in what you do for one daughter or son's family to consider how you might balance it out now or in future planning for other siblings.  For example we kept our oldest on our family health plan through grad school as she needed access to good health services and with our other daughter we paid a similar amount towards a car.[/quote]

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