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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Divorcee here.  Listen a lot and don't take sides (i.e. "encouraging civility") unless specifically asked.  My sibling is one of the few people with whom I can speak openly about my ex.  Yes, that means sometimes trashing him and saying some really harsh things.  I have to get it out somewhere.  We both know that friends sometimes get tired of listening to the same complaints, mutual friends don't want to be caught in middle, and kids should not hear this stuff, so she knows her role sometimes is just to let me vent.[/quote]

OP. I get this, totally, and it's what I've done. But when he said he filed on grounds of adultery because someday he wants their kid to know what mom did, I had to bite my tongue. Hoping he can get past the toxicity as the years to by.[/quote]

Honestly, I also want my kids to know someday what their Dad did in terms of cheating.  (Read about adult children of alcoholics.)  IME, infidelity is like alcoholism in terms of its effect on kids - everyone is lying or refusing to acknowledge the truth about the situation and so kids grow up with a really skewed sense of self and warped social sense of social interaction.  IME, it corrodes not protects a family to be keeping seceets.  That said, I don't think kids need to know every last detail.

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+1.  In the long run, I'm glad I know.  Otherwise it would be very hard to make sense of the behavior of others in my family.  Sometimes after a lot of lies, it's very refreshing to know the truth.  I'm not saying you should tell a young child, but I wouldn't want this to be kept from me after, say, age 16.  [/quote]

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