Reply to Why DON'T you set boundaries?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the past 5 years I have really begun to set boundaries with my mom. First it was when DH and I were getting married and she tried t control everything an later it became when we started a family. ID say this past year has been the best in terms of setting and keeping boundaries.  My mom, to her credit, has also been working on her issues.

The reasoning for not setting limits was that the fall out was worse. My mom is the queen of guilt tripping and overreaction.  When I would try to set boundaries, it would cause an inevitable meltdown with awful things being said. I learned to just let her have her way to avoid this.  It seems easy to just say "well set a boundary" but it can be really difficult to do when you're afraid of the fallout [/quote]

I may be TOO good at setting boundaries. All growing up my mom told me her complaints about her parents controlling her wedding. As a teen she told me how she'd handle my wedding. One day I asked "You realize it'll be MY wedding, right? Not yours?" and she said, "Yes, but my parents were in charge of mine so I get to be in charge of yours." I told her right then, "No you don't. I'm sorry your parents screwed you over but that doesn't mean you should screw me over. If you keep talking this way, I'll happily pay for my own wedding to maintain control and MAYBE I'll invite you." That shut her up and she never made another peep about it. [/quote]

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