Reply to Generalizing: husbands and IL relationship management

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[quote=Anonymous]I took a pretty hard line.  I let them know by dropping it into conversation that DH is responsible for gifts, scheduling visits, etc.  And then I Don't Do Anything.  Seriously.  If MIL calls my cell and asks about a visit, I say we would absolutely love to see them, and then I pass my phone right over to DH.  After some years of me stonewalling, they have gotten the idea.

However, you can only do this if you really are ok with letting DH do it his way.  His attitude is "why should I clean up for guests, when my mom will clean when she gets here" and this makes me want to die of shame.  He will buy all gifts on Dec. 24th and pay hundreds of dollars for expedited shipping.  But I hold the line.  If you can't follow through on this, then it's better to deal with the family stuff yourself and have your DH do other tasks.

Also, be sure to be social with your MIL.  Don't make her feel rejected by you.  Just say that DH is in charge of the plans, and ask her questions about her life.  So maybe you could call her once a month "just because", without thinking of weekly calls as your responsibility.[/quote]

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