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[quote=Anonymous]My husband deals with this a bit on his side.  His father has a whole host of issues which contribute to him being a mostly absent and uninterested grandfather.  His stepfather, who only came into the picture just before our DS was born (so not a long standing relationship with DH), is an incredible grandfather.  More involved, loves playing with the kids, the kids adore him, etc. We understand that although he was never a father to my husband, he will always be a grandfather to our children- it is all they know.  They are blessed with 3 grandfathers.

It is heartbreaking for my husband to deal with the fact that his own father does not have this role.  He has to constantly remind himself not to make comparisons, to be thankful for the wonderful grandparent that our children do get to experience, and to appreciate the relationship his father does offer- even if it is very limited.

It isn't easy. But the main focus has to be the kids.  They should not be denied one grandparent because of the behavior of another. Try to encourage what relationship you can with the distant grandparent. Is there anything he is interested in that might spark some interest?  My FIL is obsessed with chess.  Now that DS is old enough he spends the whole visit (like 2 times a year) trying to teach him to play (which can be incredibly frustrating for DS). He ignores DD.  But, at least, he has that connection with DS.  And every time we see a chess board or play together, we remind him of his Grandpop.

And remember to focus on the good, especially when the kids are around.  How lucky they are to have all the grandparents.  How even though some don't get to see them as often, they still love them. Etc.[/quote]

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