Reply to Grandfathers - need an outside view

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[quote=Anonymous]By way of background, my father was not in my life.  However, I did have two amazing sets of grandparents (even though their son walked away from me, his parents wanted to have a relationship with their granddaughter and we remained very close until they passed away).  Therefore, I view the grandparent relationship as a very important one.  My husband was close enough to his grandparents, but nowhere near as close as I was.

My husband's mother passed away long ago.  His father subsequently remarried.  His wife has a lot of grandchildren of her own, is very close to them, and is not particularly interested in her husband's grandchildren (and I don't expect her to be).  My mom remarried in her 50's.

My husband's father is not a warm and fuzzy person and is not particularly interested in his grandchildren.  He lives out of state, shows up a few times a year (not always at times convenient for us) and usually has enough of his grandkids after spending a few hours with them.  My mother's husband, on the other hand, has children but does not have grandchildren (and for various reasons is not likely to have any).  I will admit that he is sort of an unusual/strange person and he and my husband don't get along all that well (although they are polite to each other).  He and my mother also live out of state but are actually interested in spending time with my kids.  Every time this man is around my children, he behaves as I would expect a grandfather to behave - he talks to the kids, tells them stories, plays with them.  Last time we visited my mother, he taught them to fish.

My husband insists that he does not want this strange person around his kids so much and that his father should have "equal time" with the children, and that I am just mad because his father does not fit my model of a grandfather.  But his father is not interested in equal time!  He is not interested in the kids!

I admit I have a lot of issues with his father which have nothing to do with the kids.  But I would like nothing better than for my kids to have grandparent relationships that come close to what I had.  And the only person willing to give it to them is my mother's husband.

What would you do?[/quote]

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